Substance Abuse
I keep hoping that things will be okay,
But then again, they’re not.
Always some little thing getting in the way:
You loved me, but then you forgot.
You say you’ll see me, but you can’t find the time.
I’m just adding to all your duress.
You’ve got other appointments, and you’re running behind,
But the reason - you don’t want to confess.
You say you’ll call me, but you don’t follow through,
And you’re quick to take offense.
When I try to figure out what’s up with you,
You tell me I’m way too intense.
You call me your baby, and then you desert me.
You can’t see how I’d feel confused.
But it isn’t really that you wanted to hurt me,
When it’s substance that you abuse.
You are constantly preoccupied
By things that you cannot explain:
Friends to protect and pathways to hide,
And people you both love and disdain.
You are distant from all that you cannot mention
And trapped in your own contradictions,
And it’s hard to give even basic attention
When you need to feed your addictions!
Surely I’m not worth your confidence:
I might quench a long-burning fuse,
And set off a bomb in my innocence
By exposing where someone’s been abused.
But the larger reason you won’t let down your guard
Is to protect your hiding feeling.
You’re a sensitive soul, and you try to be hard.
It’s yourself you’re afraid of revealing.
And toking on your pipe is no big deal,
Coming home to that delectable high,
Where you feel again what you’ve wanted to feel.
Life is more than just getting by.
But if you’re getting by, you know you’re doing alright.
You’ve got to do what you can to get loose,
And remember the moments of second sight
When you’re rolling through substance abuse!
It’s on the way up or on the way down --
You can’t always maintain your composure.
You think you could use yet another round
But get burned by over-exposure.
Your emotions morph into crazy distortions,
Derailing your concentration.
Thoughts start spinning out of place and proportion
In the jitters of intoxication.
You re-focus into the intricacies;
Maintaining your lust for a drug
In exposures and flirtings with intimacies
You can always pass off with a shrug.
You belong to a circle hell-bent on obtaining
What will only go up in smoke,
Divorced from what is and what isn’t sustaining.
It’s a serious game and a joke!
You make alliances - social; financial,
With desperate demands and perks.
The wisdom you gain can be substantial
About what fails and what works.
You immerse yourself in the dangers of dealing;
Make friends with a fear settling deep in your bones,
And you numb the pain of those cold, ragged feelings
In the wonders of just being stoned!
So I can almost count on you to let me down,
Regardless of your intent.
You’ve got business all over this town,
But you can hardly pay your rent.
You like to be clean, but you live in a sty.
It’s not really the life you would choose.
You say you’ll get better, but that’s just a lie,
When you’re living a life you abuse!
Chances you’ve missed start to leave you bitter.
Drink that wine of rationalization!
You’ve got some ambitions, but you’re mostly a quitter,
And you call it procrastination!
Someone offers to help you, but you slap his hand
‘Cause it covers your shame to refuse!
There’s no one left who can understand
But the Spirit which you abuse!
You say you think you’re almost alright.
You just don’t know on whom to depend,
Who accepts your weakness and honors your light.
Well, you can’t be both an addict and a friend.
Your distinctions dissolve. You get rotten inside.
The mind will always find an excuse,
So go to your closet where you keep your disguise
And pray to find freedom from substance abuse!
Pray to find freedom -- from substance abuse!
